Making these types of life improvements typically requires that you work with a counselor or therapist who can provide an outsider’s perspective and objective view of your life. Making these types of life changes Substance abuse is difficult and requires lots of hard, emotionally-complex work, but it’s worth all the effort in the end. We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program. We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally. So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support.
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For these reasons, we do not initiate the process of amends without significant input from our sponsors. It is their job to make sure we make amends in the right way and for the right reasons. This is a very sensitive process, and we need help to make sure we don’t hurt ourselves and others. Millions of people have found peace through making living amends amends in recovery, even when the road felt uncertain.
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In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), making amends is considered a crucial component of long-term recovery. No matter where you’re at on your recovery journey, https://www.lavozdecolombia.net/benefits-of-an-alcohol-free-lifestyle-tips-for/ it’s helpful to take a closer look at what it actually means to make amends and how you can get started. By confronting past mistakes, you begin to put the past behind and embrace a brighter, healthier future. Through guidance, education and therapy, FHE Health can help a person begin to rebuild their relationships with self and others. Our team will work closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery. It is very important to recognize that the act of making amends is for you and not the other person.
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Therefore, overcoming denial is vital to get a grip on reality and move forward in the quest for sobriety. Step 1 involves admitting you are powerless over drugs and alcohol and that your life is out of control. This requires humility and letting go of ego, which can be challenging.
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I didn’t move forward until I had reached a place of forgiveness and acceptance—because amends made with bitterness still carry weight, and not the kind that heals. In the future, I am committed to showing up differently—through honesty, consistency, and respect. It’s not just about saying “I’m sorry.” It’s about taking full responsibility for your part in the harm caused—while also being mindful not to reopen wounds for the sake of easing your own guilt. Making amends is challenging, but the outcome can be one of the most rewarding parts of recovery. It’s hard to find the right response to someone making amends. Recognize and acknowledge your behaviors that caused harm to someone else.
This is when you begin making direct amends, whenever possible, in a way that’s thoughtful and respectful. Step 9 AA is making direct amends to those harmed, unless it would cause injury. It’s about accountability and growth, not about getting forgiveness from the person; it’s more about owning the wrongdoings and moving forward with a clear conscience. After preparing your list in Step 8, this step challenges you to make direct amends to those harmed by your addiction, not just with words, but through changed behavior. These are long-term actions or steps you take to show you are completely committed to recovery.
Trust the recovery process and believe in God to truly prosper! Since everyone’s recovery is different, what your journey will look like in regards to making amends will be different from someone else’s journey. If you need to pay someone back a thousand dollars (direct amends), make an agreement with them to work to do this. The main difference between the two recovery programs is that Celebrate Recovery is a Christ-centered recovery program.
- Mutual Aid, peer led support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous guide members to work through these steps to maintain sobriety and help others.
- It’s also vital that you don’t cause additional harm to the people you’re making amends with.
- The dictionary defines amends as compensation for a loss or injury.
- Thankfully we are given some insight in to how to make amends through steps 8 and 9.
This involves seeking forgiveness and setting things right with individuals who were harmed, to bring healing to them and you. However, Step 9 comes with a caveat to let things be if the other person is not willing to forgive and forget or if making amends would cause more harm. In step eight, you make a list of the people you harmed and become willing to make amends. In step nine, you make direct amends to those people, unless it would be more harmful to do so. When you stopped drinking, you stopped the behaviors that caused harm. Neither is simply apologizing without the true intention to change.
Misconceptions About the 12 Steps
Direct Amends – taking personal responsibility for your actions and confronting the person who you would like to reconcile with. A few months back, she was traveling for an extended period of time. Well, the time came to continue my living amends to her and redo her entire master suite, including her bathroom.
For example, one might consider making indirect amends when the harmed person is deceased or contact would cause further harm. Taking these actions helps us to separate ourselves from the disease of addiction. We come to understand that we are good people with a bad disease. Steps 8 and 9 help us to move out of the shame we have lived in, shame that feeds the cycle of substance use and addiction. We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding. Living amends refers to making promises to the people in your life whom you’ve wronged or who have hurt you.
If we had not developed a relationship with a Higher Power, we wouldn’t now have the faith and trust that we definitely need to work Step Nine! If we had not done our Fourth and Fifth Steps, we would probably still be so confused about our own personal responsibility, we wouldn’t know specifically what we’re making amends for. If we hadn’t developed humility in the Sixth and Seventh Steps we’d likely approach our amends with self-righteousness, blame or anger. Our Eighth Step list was our practical preparation for working Step Nine. As we go into this step we must remember to stay connected to a higher power and have faith that the previous eight steps have prepared us to work the Ninth Step. I’m sure you’ve heard that the steps are written in a specific order for a reason.